25-year-old woman changes her name to 'Queen' to reinvent herself, gets uncomfortable whenever anyone uses her birth name: 'I asked if I can call her Q and she said no, my name is Queen'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 22, 2024 6:00 PM EST

Nicknames are often not chosen by the person who is nicknamed. I knew a girl growing up named Madeline, and when my friend group and I first met her, somebody said she looked like a "Barbara." That name stuck because despite being a typical 15-year-old girl, she looked like she was meant to be named Barbara. It's not like there was another Madeline in the group, and this was a practical thing: Barbara just persisted against all odds despite conventional wisdom saying she wouldn't. 

The public is much more willing to accept a nickname than a brand-new name chosen by the named person. While stage names are common in show business, it's sometimes difficult for the people in that person's real life to accept a radical name change for branding. One person who couldn't accept their partner's friend renaming herself "Queen" took to Reddit to share their woes about the situation. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10445108992
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to call me friend by her new name, "Queen"?
    via u/achucs
  • 03
    My partner's friend (25F) socially changed her name from the name her mom gave her, to a name she chose for herself. She is cisgender, btw. Her name change is due to her wanting to reinvent herself. And her new name, Queen, reflects how she thinks of herself and how she wants others to see her. Her social media usernames and profiles reflect her
    via u/achucs
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    new name, and people she's met in the past few years call her by the name she's introduced herself as. I'd be glad to support her in the autonomy she seeks by naming herself. But my issue is that she wants everyone to call her Queen. Within the friend group I notice that sometimes her old friends slip up and call
    via u/achucs
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    her Queen. Within the friend group I notice that sometimes her old friends slip up and call her by her given name. But you can see that it doesn't sit well with her, and that being deadnamed, bothers her. Sometimes she'll politely correct, but not within larger groups. Sometimes her friends self- correct and call her Queen.
    via u/achucs
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    Since, "Queen" and "King" are used as terms of praise, reverence, and endearment, I am very hesitant to call this person "Queen". I simply don't feel that way about her. That says, if she tells a funny joke, or I'm fondly greeting her, it's easy to call her Queen. It just doesn't feel like a name to me. It feels more like a title. I don't feel right calling my
    via u/achucs
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    peer Queen. If she were to change her name to a name that means queen, like Reina, I wouldn't experience any unease with calling her such.
    via u/achucs
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    I avoid using any name to refer to her. If I do use a name, I try to say Queen but if I'm not in a good mood or if I'm annoyed with her, I don't bring myself to say it. I asked if I can call her "Q" and she said no, my name is 'Queen'. Perhaps I would feel differently if it were a stage name.
    via u/achucs
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    Edit: In the original post, I referred to the person as a "friend". More accurately, they are my partner's friend. I do appreciate the replies that address how a friend should treat a friend in this situation.
    via u/achucs
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    rtthrowawayyyyyyy • 21h ago • Part ipant [1] I'm gonna get downvoted for this, but, NTA. Changing one's own name to "Queen" (or King, or anything else that obviously signals one's belief in their own superiority over other people) and then demanding that people address you by that name is an inherently a hole move. It's so, so gross, and absolutely reeks of narcissism. If any of my friends ever did this, I would honestly be so turned off by it that I would most likely stop being friends with the
    via u/rtthrowawayyyyyyy
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    My own issues with valorizing the concept of royalty aside--f monarchs, seriously--if you want people to call you "Queen," work to earn that and let other people give you the title as a sign of respect.
    via u/rtthrowawayyyyyyy
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    andromache97 My own issues with valorizing the concept monarchs, seriously of royalty aside--f randos calling themselves King or Queen probably does the opposite of "valorizing" monarchy. it actually makes the name/title more meaningless, which is good if you don't like monarchy and don't think they should be treated with untouchable reverence.
    via u/andromache97
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    HerbertWestorg I agree that it makes the name meaningless to normal people, but they want the name because they are entitled and want to feel like they're special.
    via u/HerbertWestorg
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    andromache97 and if that makes OP's friend an annoying loser who is desperate to be worshipped, than OP should stop hanging out with them. alternatively, no one actually addresses Queens as "hey there Queen" anyway, and it's not like OP's friend is asking to be addressed as "your majesty." there's nothing special about it if you treat it like a normal name. if OP is going to continue seeing this friend, she should use their requested name.
    via u/andromache97
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    Aristol727 I feel like a lot of us are in agreement: changing your name in your 20s to Queen is weirdly self- aggrandizing and intentional. If that were her birth name, it'd be less weird, but this is too much. Personally, I would rethink my friendship with a person so self-absorbed and/or insecure as to do this.
    via u/Aristol727
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    camomile821 i had a coworker in the process of legally changing their name to princess. i was respectful and used her chosen name (despite slipping sometimes) but yeah it was really weird and uncomfortable tbh
    via u/camomile821
  • 17
    ACorania It reminds me of the guy in highschool who always tried to get people to call him, 'Big Dog,' but you can't really give yourself a nickname
    via u/ACorania
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    Gigi-lily You know what's funny, I know people named princess/queenie/harmony/angel etc. (Shout out to the black and filipino communities Imaooo) and i have no issue calling them by their names but thr thought of someone changing their name to Queen would bug me a bit.
    via u/Gigi-lily

  • If people frequently change their names to things that have nothing to do with their birth names, and Queen is a name that exists and is in the world, what's so wrong about changing her name to that? I see no issue, especially since it's seemingly for her social media career reasons. Judy Garland would've felt uncomfortable if people started calling her “Francis Ethel Gumm” after changing her name.

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    Which I know is a me problem, and would be something I would work through because who am I to say that their name is not their name. I think this is something you need to either figure out or realise will end the friendship as she has every roght to feel disrespected, but despite knowing better I also have that gut reaction of "hmm, don't wanna do that".
    via u/Gigi-lily
  • 20
    lisafightsbutchers To me, there's a difference between being named something and choosing a name for yourself. If a mom names their son King, it's not like he had any choice, and his name reflects his mom's ego and not his. However, if Derek suddenly wants everyone to call him King, it's an inherently egotistical move. That's why it feels so uncomfortable. I think it would change how I viewed that person and how they saw themselves compared to me - like I couldn't call them King or Queen without
    via u/lisafightsbutchers
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    Straight_Coconut_317 What if the friend had chosen the new name God would everyone be expected to call her God?
    via u/Straight_Coconut_317
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    Secretly_S41ty ESH. She sounds awful, but she can change her name to whatever she wants and her genuine friends, people who like and respect her, will accept that. The real problem is that you don't like her. You think she's narcissistic and arrogant. Her name choice is just a public symbol of these personality issues. Stop hanging out with her. Then you don't have to call her anything. You should call her whatever her name is, whether she was born with it or not, but reconsider whether you even
    via u/Secretly_S41ty
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    slackerchic 22h ago • Certified Proctolog|st [25] Top 1% Commenter I'm going to break it down to you the same way I broke it down to my 6 year old: As long as it is not bothering you or threatening you, we should just let people live the way they want. I don't want someone telling me what to wear, what to call myself, how to act, etc, so likewise I try to give everyone else the same treatment that I want to receive.
    via u/slackerchic
  • 24
    YTA. Queen is regal, Roses are flowers, and Masons used to be a profession. Almost everyone has a name that means something. Harkening your own theory, should they all call themselves something different? And if they did, would you also have a problem with that?
    via u/slackerchic

  • That mom has a point. I ask people to call me Emmy instead of Emily, my given name, and I often say, “My name is Emmy, like the award." Does that association with a prestigious awards show make me grand or pretentious? Is there a big difference between being something that means royalty, like “Regina,” and being named “Queen?” 

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    EmceeSuzy I'm with you in the general sense, but this is not a given name. It is a chosen name. If someone wrote in and said that they did not feel their given name fit them and asked if they should decide to make everyone call them Queen, I think the wisdom of the crowd would caution against that. It is presumptuous in the extreme.
    via u/EmceeSuzy

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